Book Ticker

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Vindication? Trepidation? Finalization?

I have a whole lot of 'tions, and not a whole lot of answers. Here's a few more: Facilitation, hesitation, desperation, agitation, cohabitation. I could go on, but these are the most important right now I think.

Vindication: the act of upholding or justifing by argument or evidence: to vindicate a claim.
I feel vindicated now that the psychologist has ordered him to get a psychiatric referral for a borderline personality disorder diagnosis. My fears are not only in my head or a result of my own overreactions - there really is a problem. (Not that I thought I was wrong, but in the dark and loneliness of the wee hours of the morning I would begin to doubt my own convictions - coincidentally another tion word)
Trepidation: tremulous fear, alarm, or agitation; perturbation.
Full of more 'tions, and this one both speaks for itself and is full of so much I could never begin to put into words. About our future, my future, his recovery, our marriage, our communication, you name it!
Finalization: to put into final  form; complete all the details of.
Is this what we should do to our marriage?

Facilitation: to make easier or less difficult; help forward (an action, a process, etc.).
Is the simple act of me staying actually putting the final nail in the coffin, and by its very nature confirming that he will never truly escape my enabling? If I facilitate all of his negative behaviors by choosing to remain in this marriage, has hope been lost before it's even been found?


Hesitation, desperation, agitation: need I really look up the definition for you? I think these pretty much speak for themselves. 


Cohabitation: to live together in an intimate relationship.
Once again, should I stay or should I go? That really is the question isn't it. Or rather, it goes one step further. Should I stay and choose to stick to my marriage vows regardless, since I chose to enter them freely and with no reservations, or should I leave with the knowledge that staying may have actually caused significant mental harm and caused both of us to stagnate in unused and unexplored potential?


 

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